did you get engaged???
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
