we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
