and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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