Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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