Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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