you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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