An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
