all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
