Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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