I wish my penis had an off switch
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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