I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
