there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
