The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
