You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
