He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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