just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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