In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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