im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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