i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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