they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
