There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
