low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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