i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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