I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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