You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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