sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
