To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
