doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
