Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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