I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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