hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
