I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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