I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
