It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
