I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
