remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
