beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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