Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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