ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
