wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
