...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
