i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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