You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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