I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
