Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
high people should be assigned attendants
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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