they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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