The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
