My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
