Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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