I'm gonna have a badass scar
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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