The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
