I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
